AGV We Hardly Knew Ye

(AP) In a stunning display of brilliant politics, the AGV has constitutionally abolished his campaign to concentrate on a cataclysmic explosion at the new whig ale factory, his campaign headquarters. The explosion took place about 6 am and there were no injuries or fatalities reported. That is until the the AGV arrived on the scene. In his zeal to shore up the cascading flood of newly brewed ale, the AGV inadvertently slaughtered 1000s, not only his Republican Ale Guard elite, the workers the plant, but also scores of innocent bystanders who, in his own words wouldn't "get out of my way, D*** it!!!" The AGV issued the following heartlfelt apology on the cartoon network shortly afterwards:

"Gentlemen, I would like to apologize from the depths of my Very Soul, for the tragic loss of life that occurred this morning. But let it be known that these Brave Martyrs shall not have died in vain, but shall have sacrificed their lives for that most precious Commodity, Freedom. Freedom from the taint of Communist Lagers and Socialist Brews!! Freedom from the Slavery of Bondage!!! Gentlemen I would like to say that at this juncture the State of the Ale is Hale and Healthy, and lathers like the Bountiful Oceans that caress the Shores of our Land... Gentlemen I have Grand Vision for Humanity, not of going back into the Aleless Age of our Primeval Ancestors as my opponents would have it, but forward into Heady Intoxication, hand in hand with our Friends and so- called enemies, until we reach the Seductive Coast of the Paradise that is the New Whig Order... Our real enemies, the opposition party, shall meet with a Fate most wretched however... they shall be the mere lackeys that tilt the bottles to Our Lips and wipe Our Mouths when we are done... Gentlemen, I BRAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!!!"


Astrology contest.1) Name the astrologer who cannot tell right from left!!! 2) Name the astrologer who gave Sarah Palin a brief sign-change operation!! 3) Name the curmudgeon ranting about over-emphasizing an astrological phenomenon, when he/she itself does the same kind of thing constantly, while underrating things that are important!! Win fun prizes.

Horoscope: Show the inner brilliance of your inert matter. Change your crystalline structure, or ask someone with a hammer to do it for you.

and her yah go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcELyKkOAak
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUtYP52Ijvc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEHlZN7U7Tk&feature=relatedhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubOI9yY55JU
Don't be surprised if it comes back.

Gentlemen, Gentlemen, Gentlemen...

Here is a special message from the AGV, (Assistant Grand Vizier of the New Whig Party) throwing his head into the ring at this late date, catching the pundits unaware, and the vaults of ale unprotected. He held forth recently from the caboose of a whistle stop tour of the breweries on his vast personal estate.

"Most Excellent Gentlemen, etc! Now is the time to stretch the Bootstraps of the Nation into interesting shapes! While Lesser Men dwell on Defeat, and Misery, the Resplendent AGV plunges, naked and savage into the Toothy Crux of the purported "Economic Crisis". The AGV shall, at great Personal Expense, and Privy Risk, abandon his recently as yet incomplete Grand Inventory of the Ales, and insure that no hard-working American Patriot shall go without a delicious Source of Intoxication during this Dark Age... A Lager in every Sloop, and an Ale in every Homestead...and of course a delicious chicken dinner in every Garage... Gentlemen, I must confess at this juncture that my Profound and Sincere Compassion for the Aleless Downtrodden in our great land brings me well nigh unto tears...Gentlemen, I wax wondrous Wroth in the Contemplation of the Unjust and Undeserved Plight of of the Innocent Masses!! Tendre Children never beholding the Wondrous Realm of Stale Hamms!!! Street Urchins unable to sample the glories of Fetid Falstaff!!! Nay, Gentlemen, it Shall not stand!!! as long as your Servant, the AGV has breath to Wheeze, the streets of our Fair Nation shall flow with Stickiest Brew, and any Nation or Brewery that shall feign stand between the Citizenry and it's Blackout Birthright, shall witness the Force of the Tetragrammatonical Rage of the AGV as He is used as the Humble Instrument of Scantily Clad Liberty, Gentlemen, I... I HATE these twist off caps!!! What Idiot came up with THIS idea??!!? Where is that d*** opener??!!??.... I..." The AGV, after regaining the ability to distinguish discrete objects in space, then posed with Stacked Foreign Dignitaries for the rest of the evening, till he got really dizzy and had to rest for while...

VOTE NEW WHIG 2008, GENTLEMEN!!!!!!!!!!!! paid for by AGV/Pabst Blue Ribbon for Change and Hope.

Here are some tunes that the AGV performed when he was channeling projectile vomit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcNUx0-XEfw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vp-is6S_b_g&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rnCXRfJu_k

Great and Grand songs all, but only properly "laid down" by the AGV...

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy...

The more I read the accounts of these dizzy No Agers who think that all can be salvaged by training their 2 volt thinking on the objects of desire and creating a lovey material paradise where everyone experiences ecstasy through the expression of their deep poetic visions or the accumulation of Uncle Scrooge vaults of doubloons in a perfumed defecation-free paradise, the more I just want them to shut up. Here is another challenge for such notochord challenged individuals: record your affirmations of this Brave New Philosophy while you are gasping your last breath in the iron lung. I mean it! Tell us honestly at that point in time, that your wonderful legacy of squirrely faux creativity and deeply etched notches on the Dow Jones record will keep a wan smile stretched out on your cadaverous face. BAH! I know from my own experiences (not that I had achieved any level of military/industrial/herbal prozac greatness) that when you are afraid that you will die everything- your vast estates, your Byronic Delusions, your treasured memories, your pals past and present, your parents love.. mean NOTHING. If you have not had a near death experience, YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO SPEAK ON THIS SUBJECT! To quote great philosopher " Shut up, little man!" I don't mean when you freaked out because couldn't handle your hashpipe, or were depressed on a rainy day when your bad art wasn't cornering the market, or wept like an only child when your prayers to Jesus for financial independence were unanswered.

One thing that got me on this tack again was reading some pap by James Allen, " As a Man Stinketh" I stumbled across this bum because I was doing some astrological "research" and he turns out to be born of the same sign as me/I. I will choose Woody Allen instead. Or Ernst Rohm. I mean Allen's (James) crap is so absurd. It is all predictable from the title. I looked through the chapter about thinking and health. "It is those who are afraid of being sick that get sick." Moosechips. Fear may influence our immune systems and to some degree the course of an illness, but if I calmly drink water that is 200 proof Typhoid, I am going to die. Now one thing that isn't on my resume that should be is that I am the current WWHA (world wide hypochondriac association) heavyweight champeen. I was ALWAYS worried, in some cases terrified that I had Multiple Rabies, or Walking Ebola, and NEVER had anything other than two colds a year. Of course I agree that that fear causes unnecessary suffering, but that was just worry, and not actual illness. I have had a very difficult time in the past number of years, with some very real, yet not well-understood problem, (at least by the indifferent expensive doctors who examined me). The cause had NOTHING to do with fear; it is something that happened to me. The responsibility lies with whatever caused it.

The only credit I can give to these starry-eyed nutballs is that fear makes life worse- I have never tried to cultivate fear in others, although I have really struggled with it myself. It makes you feel worse, and will affect your social interactions to be sure, people are very aware of non-verbal cues. This is not a kind of revelation though ,it is patently dull and obvious, and to extrapolate from this that a kind of Shangra La can be hammered out of the material world is STUPID. Fear is a part of life and serves a purpose, we should not be utterly free from it, lest I try to use Positive Thinking to fend off the Gentle Tail-Wagging Tornado on yon horizon...Being REALISTIC is what I am advocating, and to me, although my thinking is still in flux, this means that we have to do our best in lives and accept that there is likely nothing beyond this existence (which can make it more precious), and also accept our physical and other circumstantial limitations. So I feel it is obscene for characters who may have "succeeded" or who hope to succeed on the basis of issuing inane pamphlets, to assert that " all wonderful things " are possible here. They are not. And if you honestly examine all your marvelous experiences, you will find that they are not utterly blissful- even falling in love there is a mixture of excitement, fun , and anxiety, even fear " My God will my beloved leave me?" I feel if we live this life to best of our abilities, not expecting miracles, we will be satisfied. At least until we are choking on sputum in our hospital beds ( sorry, not recommended as a Yantra). If there is a loving God I think he will judge our thinking sound...

One last note: James Allen died largely unsuccessful. Reminds me of the fat fitness trainer- he is just a philosopher of fitness I guess. Allen shouldn't take it too hard- his philosophy doesn't work. He should have tried to do something PLEASURABLE in life, rather than propounding impossible philosophies. Well, back to Egyptology...

Slightly more last note: I think Archaeology and Paleontology should be made the mainstays of every economy. They are wonderful and can help everyone to understand their REAL position in human and natural history. Putting more people to work is good too. If learning Akkadian is too taxing for you, you can get the same thrill shoveling bucketfuls. Uplifting teamwork.

Psst... The moon inconjuncts Mercury Venus and Mars and Pluto; and squares Neptune.

Stop being so Negative before I KEEL you!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZ2iyFmywPE

Wonderful childhood memories..Cult of the Superhero/Savior makes more sense than Voodoo Thinking
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5wNaWx2ctY&feature=related

And my personal favorite
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxYB7nThyYY

But all these are too negative really.. too much anger violence and graphic reality- it scares me.

Let's have some music to cheer us up.

Well it is safe if they are "specialists" RIP my brother
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhgO8rZs1Fg

Rock and Roll began with Leo Uranus, and ended with Aquarius Uranus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBTakXapwiE

I am slavishly dedicated to great artisits like the Jonas Brothers though... this stuff is very inferior..
And the Other Little Richard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yRdDnrB5kM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtO5SJZvOpk
Hmm.. any similarities?

And think hard about this one America
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Kn4ASeRaPg