I just read a letter that had a closing line: God wants you to keep suffering to draw you closer to Him. I must have gone through the other side of Him then. I guess the idea is to have you beg for mercy. Well I have done that repeatedly, but it seems like I recover very quickly, and the next thing I know I am off and running in the Miss Goethe Da Vinci cerebrum swimsuit competition, engorged with my own will that has nothing to do with God. The meek shall inherit the Earth? Do they really want it?
Christ suggest that you should be humble, and of course the world shows that if you are talented in one respect or another, you will succeed. Reminds me of the Ministry line- " The way to succeed, and the way to suck eggs" I have said here before that I don' t think that all of us can succeed, life doesn't work that way, there just are not enough openings, and some of us define success in impossible terms, or like me they have talents that surely backfire every time.
I can write, but what is the value of it? I don't think I have ever helped anyone- maybe some of my crazy ideas have helped them laugh a little, or maybe they have just been shaking their heads and thinking that they are glad they are not me. One of the themes in my life is that people are rarely direct with me, and when they are they go way over the top. I don't take criticism well and they sense it I suppose.
Anyway to return to my talents, I think I can very very creative as a writer, but my writing is extravagant, bizarre, disjointed and dark. My music is very similar. I often wonder why God gave me this kind of "gift" I should have kept the receipt. Maybe I am not supposed to succeed, but am supposed to keep banging my head against the wall until I give up and turn to Him alone, There are alot of passages in the Bible that support this idea. I then wonder how so many billions of people seem to be comfortably getting away with violating His rules, but maybe seem is a powerful word here. Maybe my talents need to be put into His service, but then where is the Glory for me, eh? I think the idea is I might get genuine enjoyment even if and because the situation is not inflating my egomania.
All gone.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
NYA NYA NYA NAYA NAYAAAA!!! THIS MEANS YOU!
I will vanquish young, old, fit and infirm, from single cells to complex organisms, all shall kiss and lather my lotus verbage. Victory once again. I thought I would take a break from the mediocre Burroughs -induced visions of middle class existentialism, to write this. I really have very little idea what I am going to say, but am getting a kind of urinary Uranian urgency to write, and since Venus is reposing her beautiful curvy posterior in my 3rd house, of ritin, readin and rithmatic, you get the idea. If this doesn't work you can blame it on the gas leak from nearby Neptune, or rash inducing contacts with Saturn or Uranus. If it works, you can still blame it on those sociopaths, or laughingly credit it to support from the friendly planets in Sagittarius.
Really this is fully intended as a challenge to a series of death matches with all dissatisfied residents of time space. We can mud wrestle our way to the career bilger post of Chief Executive Big Medicine Lord Supreme Philosopher, the winner going comfortably to an ornate tomb kept warm by the recently slain bodies of a slavish retinue. How does this translate into journey to the center of the learning curve- ese? Just do it, Nike. I hope that all are spellbound, kurued and edified into submission, but if this is not the case, you know where my email lives, and feel free, regardless of sentiments, to express yourself, pre-Madonna. Of course if you tiptoe beyond the bounds of basic criminality, I will be forced to let the appropriate authorities execute you in a dark comfortable place of their own choosing.
Let me say also by way of explanation that I am the frailest and meekest of helpful neotonous souls, and want in no way to incur the wroth wrath of anyone. However, I am not a coward.
Most importantly though, I think that I have fallen in love with Rachel Ray. Maybe I need incarnations of overpriced therapy, but I get sizzling hot when I hear her speak, and especially when she waxes lyrical about how she is not good at something. Ok I admit it I need help. That is the first step.
How about that new president eh? He has still to take office, and the press are getting ready to craft his biography including obituary. Give him a chance! He himself said that if we don't like what he has done after four years, we can vote him out and install Sarah Palin's ... moose, or whoever the Republicads(TM) have conjured up for the next election. The attention on Obama is understandable but the slant is not. Some of the critiques are coming from the usual hosers who lament the fact that Barry Geldwasser never established a Republican House of Hanover, but there is also criticism from some slight radicals who are " in a mood" because Obama refuses to transform our republic into a Gay/Feminist/Green oligarchical Eden before even taking office. I hate to let these poor souls know this, but not all of us have that severity of utopian vision. Verve Pipe sucks, btw, someone should but a stick of dynamite up their verve pipe, except they might enjoy it.
ON A NEW TOPIC Here is an almost exhaustive list of the decent bands from England during the 90s: Bush. Ok I might include a few "tunes" by some other bands. Was Elastica in the 90s? Even if they were in the 80s, they were a decent 90s band, like the Cranberries. No they don't count there is a difference between England and Ireland, you Americans....
I wonders if there were any great German bands that we were not aware of due to our deficiency in fluent German. Here are the Great German Pop Bands, as I understand them (Official Chief Executive Pol Pot of Music Stamp of Approval)1) Kraftwerk. To be honest, I think the term Kraftwerk could easily include all new wave bands. Pretty big roster I guess. Some are more closely and obviously affined (new word- take that you idiot spell check!) like Gary Numan, but even something like REM has uncoagulated Krafwerk spewing forth from gaping wounds. Sure, Joy Division, but weren't they an interbred combination of Krafwerk and the Sex Pistols, themselves a British version of the 5 Iggy MC Popp??? Well?? Sorry, I need to lie down. But where does Tambourine Dream fit into everything???!!?? I mean it, I need answers and I need answers now!!
2) Nena. Not very influential, but quite cute and their one song was a lot of fun. And penetratingly political. There must have been some other intelligent cutey saturated bands from Germany that could have made trillions in the musical conquest of the male Australopithecus Robustus hoards in the US in the 80s... I hate to be mean, but a good Langenscheidt could have been a one way ticket to stardom.
3) Rammstein. But we already have Ministry. So who needs any other band at all? Still Du Hast was good and pinched the threshold limit of the ability for the average American to digest a foreign (or even indigenous) language.
4) And of course.. "We Gonna Sting Ya!!!" Guys, you still need some hint of the auxiliary, otherwise it sounds like a two year old's first attempts at language. Actually their one ballad is fine.
That's All !!!
Really this is fully intended as a challenge to a series of death matches with all dissatisfied residents of time space. We can mud wrestle our way to the career bilger post of Chief Executive Big Medicine Lord Supreme Philosopher, the winner going comfortably to an ornate tomb kept warm by the recently slain bodies of a slavish retinue. How does this translate into journey to the center of the learning curve- ese? Just do it, Nike. I hope that all are spellbound, kurued and edified into submission, but if this is not the case, you know where my email lives, and feel free, regardless of sentiments, to express yourself, pre-Madonna. Of course if you tiptoe beyond the bounds of basic criminality, I will be forced to let the appropriate authorities execute you in a dark comfortable place of their own choosing.
Let me say also by way of explanation that I am the frailest and meekest of helpful neotonous souls, and want in no way to incur the wroth wrath of anyone. However, I am not a coward.
Most importantly though, I think that I have fallen in love with Rachel Ray. Maybe I need incarnations of overpriced therapy, but I get sizzling hot when I hear her speak, and especially when she waxes lyrical about how she is not good at something. Ok I admit it I need help. That is the first step.
How about that new president eh? He has still to take office, and the press are getting ready to craft his biography including obituary. Give him a chance! He himself said that if we don't like what he has done after four years, we can vote him out and install Sarah Palin's ... moose, or whoever the Republicads(TM) have conjured up for the next election. The attention on Obama is understandable but the slant is not. Some of the critiques are coming from the usual hosers who lament the fact that Barry Geldwasser never established a Republican House of Hanover, but there is also criticism from some slight radicals who are " in a mood" because Obama refuses to transform our republic into a Gay/Feminist/Green oligarchical Eden before even taking office. I hate to let these poor souls know this, but not all of us have that severity of utopian vision. Verve Pipe sucks, btw, someone should but a stick of dynamite up their verve pipe, except they might enjoy it.
ON A NEW TOPIC Here is an almost exhaustive list of the decent bands from England during the 90s: Bush. Ok I might include a few "tunes" by some other bands. Was Elastica in the 90s? Even if they were in the 80s, they were a decent 90s band, like the Cranberries. No they don't count there is a difference between England and Ireland, you Americans....
I wonders if there were any great German bands that we were not aware of due to our deficiency in fluent German. Here are the Great German Pop Bands, as I understand them (Official Chief Executive Pol Pot of Music Stamp of Approval)1) Kraftwerk. To be honest, I think the term Kraftwerk could easily include all new wave bands. Pretty big roster I guess. Some are more closely and obviously affined (new word- take that you idiot spell check!) like Gary Numan, but even something like REM has uncoagulated Krafwerk spewing forth from gaping wounds. Sure, Joy Division, but weren't they an interbred combination of Krafwerk and the Sex Pistols, themselves a British version of the 5 Iggy MC Popp??? Well?? Sorry, I need to lie down. But where does Tambourine Dream fit into everything???!!?? I mean it, I need answers and I need answers now!!
2) Nena. Not very influential, but quite cute and their one song was a lot of fun. And penetratingly political. There must have been some other intelligent cutey saturated bands from Germany that could have made trillions in the musical conquest of the male Australopithecus Robustus hoards in the US in the 80s... I hate to be mean, but a good Langenscheidt could have been a one way ticket to stardom.
3) Rammstein. But we already have Ministry. So who needs any other band at all? Still Du Hast was good and pinched the threshold limit of the ability for the average American to digest a foreign (or even indigenous) language.
4) And of course.. "We Gonna Sting Ya!!!" Guys, you still need some hint of the auxiliary, otherwise it sounds like a two year old's first attempts at language. Actually their one ballad is fine.
That's All !!!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
How To Be Yourself, Get Rich And Retire Before You Are Seven!!!
It seems like there is so much self help out there on the Internet, and yet still there is not enough. So I thought that I would contribute my addition. I saw one definition of one's self as the clothes you wear, and how you should insult someone if they don't like what you wear, and if that doesn't work, you should ignore them. The first thing that I thought was: if you are naked, do you lose your identity? I guess this would really be a problem when you are in bed with someone. You are madly in love, but after all the clothes are off, you don't know if you are yourself, Errol Flynn, or a porcupine. I will never have to worry about this, not because I don't know who I am , which I don't, but because I will never be naked.
After the wardrobe equals identity part, there was a more serious treatment of the issue. The first step was to find yourself. I can usually be found in the trash after all other possibilities have been exhausted. The article talked about what you like to and don't like to do. I like to sleep, maybe I am a narcoleptic. I also like to have sex, so maybe I should be a porn star.. of course I do like to do other things as well, as long as they don't resemble work. I have an interest in ancient history, which is why I have pursued graduate studies in the subject, but if it will ever pay even a plug nickel it will be a miracle. Who you are seems like it must be tied together with making money, even though this is not my choice at all. The alternative is to do something, anything that will give you money, so you can later quit your stupid job and do what you really like to do. By that time you are retired and may have moments left to live, if you are lucky. Another problem though is that you are too enfeebled to enjoy doing what you really like, and may not even be able to remember what that was... So I say start doing what you like to do now, even if you end up starving to death. It will make a great romantic story for someone else's successful movie.
Headline point number two was to stop worrying about what others think about you. This is easier said than done, It seems like those who clearly never worry about what others think about them are sociopaths, and end up living the dream in prison. These cards are as free as birds, they could care less what anyone thinks about them, unfortunately they are relegated to being themselves within prison walls. You have to worry about what someone thinks about you I think or you cannot succeed. Everyone has some kind of audience and you are allowed to offend the common "enemy" of you and your audience, but if you lose the audience, you are doomed. Even a solitary person like a scientist or inventor, can not just be after their intellectual objective. They have to please some boss or bosses, or they can never market whatever they produce. Again if the goal is righteous starving obscurity, you can eschew all public opinion.
Number four was be open and honest. So I would like to say that all humans are hopeless hypocrites, who have artificially manufactured a junk filled society, that either long ago stopped being a civilization, or never was one. I will accept all accolades at the stage door thank you. I can be honest about myself as well. I am never really honest, as I like to hide my true self which is something that I am inexpressibly deeply ashamed of. Another wonderful statement to add to my resume. Well I can tell you all that I am saturated with ego, fear, lusts and everything else, and am enough of student of history and biology to know that this is no real revelation. It is also not liberating, acceptable, or a ticket to gold plated stardom.
I am getting tired of these platitudes, so I will finish with the last point I read: Develop your individuality. Have your own sense of style, until you realize that it is a slavish imitation of the style of someone else. Part of my style is liking to talk to myself, as I feel that there is no one around me that I could have an interesting conversation with. I am sure I could find either shallow or caustic, but I don't think that I could find interesting. This habit makes people think that I am a lunatic, and I am, but it really is not very satisfying, it is just another wonderful maladaption to a maladaptive society. Even though I often enjoy my own witticisms, I think no one around me could possibly get them, not because they require an iq of 400 to penetrate, but because they are so weird. People are getting weirder, but not intellectually weirder. They just seem to get more and more aggressive and paranoid, and less and less cerebral, and more and more conformist. Well good luck to them all anyway.
So the grand conclusion to this essay is to suggest that you imitate someone interesting from the past, because it is impossible to discover who you are anyway. Society in the past just required more phony and elaborate personalities than it does now, so choose one of the classics. Have fun....
After the wardrobe equals identity part, there was a more serious treatment of the issue. The first step was to find yourself. I can usually be found in the trash after all other possibilities have been exhausted. The article talked about what you like to and don't like to do. I like to sleep, maybe I am a narcoleptic. I also like to have sex, so maybe I should be a porn star.. of course I do like to do other things as well, as long as they don't resemble work. I have an interest in ancient history, which is why I have pursued graduate studies in the subject, but if it will ever pay even a plug nickel it will be a miracle. Who you are seems like it must be tied together with making money, even though this is not my choice at all. The alternative is to do something, anything that will give you money, so you can later quit your stupid job and do what you really like to do. By that time you are retired and may have moments left to live, if you are lucky. Another problem though is that you are too enfeebled to enjoy doing what you really like, and may not even be able to remember what that was... So I say start doing what you like to do now, even if you end up starving to death. It will make a great romantic story for someone else's successful movie.
Headline point number two was to stop worrying about what others think about you. This is easier said than done, It seems like those who clearly never worry about what others think about them are sociopaths, and end up living the dream in prison. These cards are as free as birds, they could care less what anyone thinks about them, unfortunately they are relegated to being themselves within prison walls. You have to worry about what someone thinks about you I think or you cannot succeed. Everyone has some kind of audience and you are allowed to offend the common "enemy" of you and your audience, but if you lose the audience, you are doomed. Even a solitary person like a scientist or inventor, can not just be after their intellectual objective. They have to please some boss or bosses, or they can never market whatever they produce. Again if the goal is righteous starving obscurity, you can eschew all public opinion.
Number four was be open and honest. So I would like to say that all humans are hopeless hypocrites, who have artificially manufactured a junk filled society, that either long ago stopped being a civilization, or never was one. I will accept all accolades at the stage door thank you. I can be honest about myself as well. I am never really honest, as I like to hide my true self which is something that I am inexpressibly deeply ashamed of. Another wonderful statement to add to my resume. Well I can tell you all that I am saturated with ego, fear, lusts and everything else, and am enough of student of history and biology to know that this is no real revelation. It is also not liberating, acceptable, or a ticket to gold plated stardom.
I am getting tired of these platitudes, so I will finish with the last point I read: Develop your individuality. Have your own sense of style, until you realize that it is a slavish imitation of the style of someone else. Part of my style is liking to talk to myself, as I feel that there is no one around me that I could have an interesting conversation with. I am sure I could find either shallow or caustic, but I don't think that I could find interesting. This habit makes people think that I am a lunatic, and I am, but it really is not very satisfying, it is just another wonderful maladaption to a maladaptive society. Even though I often enjoy my own witticisms, I think no one around me could possibly get them, not because they require an iq of 400 to penetrate, but because they are so weird. People are getting weirder, but not intellectually weirder. They just seem to get more and more aggressive and paranoid, and less and less cerebral, and more and more conformist. Well good luck to them all anyway.
So the grand conclusion to this essay is to suggest that you imitate someone interesting from the past, because it is impossible to discover who you are anyway. Society in the past just required more phony and elaborate personalities than it does now, so choose one of the classics. Have fun....
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