Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Gentlemen, Gentlemen, Gentlemen...


Here is a special message from the AGV, (Assistant Grand Vizier of the New Whig Party) throwing his head into the ring at this late date, catching the pundits unaware, and the vaults of ale unprotected. He held forth recently from the caboose of a whistle stop tour of the breweries on his vast personal estate.

"Most Excellent Gentlemen, etc! Now is the time to stretch the Bootstraps of the Nation into interesting shapes! While Lesser Men dwell on Defeat, and Misery, the Resplendent AGV plunges, naked and savage into the Toothy Crux of the purported "Economic Crisis". The AGV shall, at great Personal Expense, and Privy Risk, abandon his recently as yet incomplete Grand Inventory of the Ales, and insure that no hard-working American Patriot shall go without a delicious Source of Intoxication during this Dark Age... A Lager in every Sloop, and an Ale in every Homestead...and of course a delicious chicken dinner in every Garage... Gentlemen, I must confess at this juncture that my Profound and Sincere Compassion for the Aleless Downtrodden in our great land brings me well nigh unto tears...Gentlemen, I wax wondrous Wroth in the Contemplation of the Unjust and Undeserved Plight of of the Innocent Masses!! Tendre Children never beholding the Wondrous Realm of Stale Hamms!!! Street Urchins unable to sample the glories of Fetid Falstaff!!! Nay, Gentlemen, it Shall not stand!!! as long as your Servant, the AGV has breath to Wheeze, the streets of our Fair Nation shall flow with Stickiest Brew, and any Nation or Brewery that shall feign stand between the Citizenry and it's Blackout Birthright, shall witness the Force of the Tetragrammatonical Rage of the AGV as He is used as the Humble Instrument of Scantily Clad Liberty, Gentlemen, I... I HATE these twist off caps!!! What Idiot came up with THIS idea??!!? Where is that d*** opener??!!??.... I..." The AGV, after regaining the ability to distinguish discrete objects in space, then posed with Stacked Foreign Dignitaries for the rest of the evening, till he got really dizzy and had to rest for while...

VOTE NEW WHIG 2008, GENTLEMEN!!!!!!!!!!!! paid for by AGV/Pabst Blue Ribbon for Change and Hope.

Here are some tunes that the AGV performed when he was channeling projectile vomit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcNUx0-XEfw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vp-is6S_b_g&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rnCXRfJu_k

Great and Grand songs all, but only properly "laid down" by the AGV...

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy...

The more I read the accounts of these dizzy No Agers who think that all can be salvaged by training their 2 volt thinking on the objects of desire and creating a lovey material paradise where everyone experiences ecstasy through the expression of their deep poetic visions or the accumulation of Uncle Scrooge vaults of doubloons in a perfumed defecation-free paradise, the more I just want them to shut up. Here is another challenge for such notochord challenged individuals: record your affirmations of this Brave New Philosophy while you are gasping your last breath in the iron lung. I mean it! Tell us honestly at that point in time, that your wonderful legacy of squirrely faux creativity and deeply etched notches on the Dow Jones record will keep a wan smile stretched out on your cadaverous face. BAH! I know from my own experiences (not that I had achieved any level of military/industrial/herbal prozac greatness) that when you are afraid that you will die everything- your vast estates, your Byronic Delusions, your treasured memories, your pals past and present, your parents love.. mean NOTHING. If you have not had a near death experience, YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO SPEAK ON THIS SUBJECT! To quote great philosopher " Shut up, little man!" I don't mean when you freaked out because couldn't handle your hashpipe, or were depressed on a rainy day when your bad art wasn't cornering the market, or wept like an only child when your prayers to Jesus for financial independence were unanswered.

One thing that got me on this tack again was reading some pap by James Allen, " As a Man Stinketh" I stumbled across this bum because I was doing some astrological "research" and he turns out to be born of the same sign as me/I. I will choose Woody Allen instead. Or Ernst Rohm. I mean Allen's (James) crap is so absurd. It is all predictable from the title. I looked through the chapter about thinking and health. "It is those who are afraid of being sick that get sick." Moosechips. Fear may influence our immune systems and to some degree the course of an illness, but if I calmly drink water that is 200 proof Typhoid, I am going to die. Now one thing that isn't on my resume that should be is that I am the current WWHA (world wide hypochondriac association) heavyweight champeen. I was ALWAYS worried, in some cases terrified that I had Multiple Rabies, or Walking Ebola, and NEVER had anything other than two colds a year. Of course I agree that that fear causes unnecessary suffering, but that was just worry, and not actual illness. I have had a very difficult time in the past number of years, with some very real, yet not well-understood problem, (at least by the indifferent expensive doctors who examined me). The cause had NOTHING to do with fear; it is something that happened to me. The responsibility lies with whatever caused it.

The only credit I can give to these starry-eyed nutballs is that fear makes life worse- I have never tried to cultivate fear in others, although I have really struggled with it myself. It makes you feel worse, and will affect your social interactions to be sure, people are very aware of non-verbal cues. This is not a kind of revelation though ,it is patently dull and obvious, and to extrapolate from this that a kind of Shangra La can be hammered out of the material world is STUPID. Fear is a part of life and serves a purpose, we should not be utterly free from it, lest I try to use Positive Thinking to fend off the Gentle Tail-Wagging Tornado on yon horizon...Being REALISTIC is what I am advocating, and to me, although my thinking is still in flux, this means that we have to do our best in lives and accept that there is likely nothing beyond this existence (which can make it more precious), and also accept our physical and other circumstantial limitations. So I feel it is obscene for characters who may have "succeeded" or who hope to succeed on the basis of issuing inane pamphlets, to assert that " all wonderful things " are possible here. They are not. And if you honestly examine all your marvelous experiences, you will find that they are not utterly blissful- even falling in love there is a mixture of excitement, fun , and anxiety, even fear " My God will my beloved leave me?" I feel if we live this life to best of our abilities, not expecting miracles, we will be satisfied. At least until we are choking on sputum in our hospital beds ( sorry, not recommended as a Yantra). If there is a loving God I think he will judge our thinking sound...

One last note: James Allen died largely unsuccessful. Reminds me of the fat fitness trainer- he is just a philosopher of fitness I guess. Allen shouldn't take it too hard- his philosophy doesn't work. He should have tried to do something PLEASURABLE in life, rather than propounding impossible philosophies. Well, back to Egyptology...

Slightly more last note: I think Archaeology and Paleontology should be made the mainstays of every economy. They are wonderful and can help everyone to understand their REAL position in human and natural history. Putting more people to work is good too. If learning Akkadian is too taxing for you, you can get the same thrill shoveling bucketfuls. Uplifting teamwork.

Psst... The moon inconjuncts Mercury Venus and Mars and Pluto; and squares Neptune.

Stop being so Negative before I KEEL you!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZ2iyFmywPE

Wonderful childhood memories..Cult of the Superhero/Savior makes more sense than Voodoo Thinking
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5wNaWx2ctY&feature=related

And my personal favorite
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxYB7nThyYY

But all these are too negative really.. too much anger violence and graphic reality- it scares me.

Let's have some music to cheer us up.

Well it is safe if they are "specialists" RIP my brother
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhgO8rZs1Fg

Rock and Roll began with Leo Uranus, and ended with Aquarius Uranus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBTakXapwiE

I am slavishly dedicated to great artisits like the Jonas Brothers though... this stuff is very inferior..
And the Other Little Richard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yRdDnrB5kM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtO5SJZvOpk
Hmm.. any similarities?

And think hard about this one America
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Kn4ASeRaPg

Sunday, August 17, 2008

No Chump Tonight in my Coffee

Well I thought I would set you up a little, just to unreel you back in at a later date. Chump has suffered extensive injuries on his long lavish vacation, such as water on the aristocrat, and and whooping inheritance, but I am sure he will be well enough in the next InSTALLment to pleasure you all in that very special way. Actually there has been a very serious and expensive investigation into Chump calling him Un- American, a Communist and Anti-Trinitarian, but after ovipositing their cotton mouths in tasty payola he has escaped unscathed. Doesn't anyone have a sense of humor anymore? I have to say if anyone is taking any offense at any of this, that is just ridiculous. I suppose this blog has tackled the controversial subjects of God, Corporate Greed, practicing Astrology without a license,and whether Joel or Mike was better on MST3K.. but in the words of Stan Laurel " Those not interested need not reply" Basically I will spout and spew about that which think is righteous or unrighteous in some way or another, and most of you can relax. A spoonful of candy-flavored belladonna makes the medicine go down in the most delightful way anyway. If this does offend anyone, just TELL me for the love of Darwin! Actually we are all here together and our needs are really simple: food, clothing, swelter, chocolate milk, furiously loyal passionate mates and a 24 hour Ren and Stimpy channel? Is my Platform so Strange, Gentlemen?? My Promises too Baroque?? At any rate any reasonable request to change what I am posting will be honored. No one is reading this thing anyway, richtig?

Now Joel vs Mike. A non debate debated before your very noses! The bloody show wouldn't have existed without Joel- or Mike for that matter. Certainly the show evolved as all shows do and they were still getting their sea legs at the very beginning, but taking this into account the last Joel years were as good as anything that came later. Of course there was quality variation from episode to episode throughout the series.. Thank God for all the Mikes, Joels, Crows and Toms Servo that went into the production of this wonderful "who even cares what PC means?" show that kept me alive for a number of years! It was funny and intelligent and sometimes even both at the same time. What more can you ask for? wahhhh!! My god the media is horrible! ...Satan has gotten hold of it.. it is going to break me finally.. Everything I love is in the past now, how can that be? I will go suck my thumb and clutch my Crow doll for a while...it will exorcise all the Parises and Britanys, both male and female that have taken everything over. Really it is defeat at the lifeless empty hands of Ken and Barbie.. I am not completely joking.

Horoscope for those of Goethian Intellect: You will lose a little sleep trying to resolve some of the particulars of your color theory. Just because parallel dimensions could exist, does that mean that they do? Which makes more sense- the unbounded or the bounded universe? If God is all loving why do we rot like stale candy? Should astrology take into account the position of every electron? Which was the better show One Step Beyond, or The Outer Limits? If I start with three beans and take 2 away, how many do I have left. If I start with three and take four away, what happens? What if I use corn instead of beans??These and other debates will be settled by the WWF in the future, which will become the Standard Governing Body of the Universe. And now a message from the head of the Security Commission of the WWF " He throwed sand in muh eyes!!! He is a worm!! He hurtted my feelings!!! Wait til I get him here in the pleasant environmentally controlled Nastrodome! I will will pulverize he!! Grewl!!l Grown!!! raradghh!!!!!

and now some lullabies: Yes they are Fat, but also Transcendentally Fat-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJbFVJvRqOQ
and if you would like an actual video (of another song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1x6NNNfVJc&feature=related

And songs that make even a heartless stony Cad such as myself cry:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRJQLzc-bco
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2e4NlnLr28 For me this was his last great stuff. But here you can see why he was so great.
And so I am not 100 percent sexist pig:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0qm8nq8RcA
And a couple from the Divine Karen:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__VQX2Xn7tI Guess I shouldn't cry over the previous, but I am a sensitive tyke and-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPmbT5XC-q0
and more modern pain:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIIlUHBNkEchttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tXShNtyvRs
Soak your pillows tonight...