A Chump Intermission

All due pardons begged, as the illustrious Chump (tm) is touring the globe, sipping yachted champagne topped with lemon lime Perrier spritzer as the peasants cringe, moan and croon at his lotus nonfeet. He will return shortly for the next installment in his ludicrous adventures, have no fear. For now you will have to settle for the unillustrious Me (public domain) coming at you with feathered fists of fury, to rouse you from your matter -soaked complacency.

I really should have entitled this entry "practicality" because that is what it is all about. A first observation is that people who have succeeded in the most absurdly impractical, at least from a conventional point of view, ways then can lean back in their ruby-encrusted drawing rooms and intone " oh dread, how one must not hatch or hazard the impracticable. especially and for etcetera under the present economico-politico circumstances. Why when I was the merest of tadpoles, back there in my daddy's drawer.Hrrmph."

Well for those of you at all even remotely interested, I have tried both the practical and the impractical, and found them both utterly lacking. What you can never realize is the real intention behind this. Everyone without exception is locked in. There is no such thing as manifesting your own reality- it is possible to a certain extent, depending on the person, to modify your perception of reality, but the analogy of time being a river is a very apt one. The only way to make any important permanent changes is to dam the thing. When a boat is swept away by a river, obviously everyone tries to survive, but only some do. And the river is and imperfect analogy, like all analogies. After the happy Hollywood ending of our "hero" drying out on the shore, a bear lovingly disembowels him and they all die happily ever after. In the sequel the bear dies of bird flu.

Am I a negative person? I think that that idea implies that I am unrealistic. After having weathered a relationship with a sexy succubus, I am now all growed up in many respects, and am a REALIST. Will this make me popular? yes, if I also date Paris Hilton and accessorize my wardrobe. " I can tell you accessorize, by the look that's in your eyes" Sorry Ray. Finally this writing is returning somewhat to the honesty that it showed in the 80s... wrong?, I dunno, annoying? That isn't the point. This is ME. All warts and only warts, but if you don't like it, you can switch solar systems. Yes I suck, and I am wrong and so on and so on.... but at least I am not someone else, so it could be worse. This is my Blastic Ono Band, so be forewarned. Only I am not addicted to a love relationship.

Think of the Dinosaurs. I love them, because they are animals, and I love all animals, except for human beings. But all animals suffer, and when people are actually willing to admit that religion or not, philosophy, cutesy or not, they have NO IDEA about why we are here, and what happens after death. I can love them too. Prove the loving God to me. I dare you. Let's say for instance, that you lead a remarkable capitalist existence ( or an incredible socialist/totalitarina/ monarchian/billgatesian.. doesn't matter). Your health is beaming. Your spouse is shining. You live in San Diego. Your teeth are bright, and your coat glossy. You have your distemper vaccination. Very good. Rather than having you marauded by vampire hamsters in your sleep, or knocked by lightening into a tornado on the railroad tracks in the Grand Canyon, you can continue living. The same thing "God" did in 1999 to all of us. You and your spouse get wrinkly and saggy, so you replace you bodies with clones of Farrah Fawcett and Warren Beatty. Everything is sehr wunderbar, until about the impossible year 5000, when you turn to her in your crumbling underground shelter and say," Darling, your replacement body is starting to stink, and if I have to watch another repeat of Green Acres, I will commit seppuku with my own stubby Warren Beatty fingers." She will lovingly grimace at you, and then produce the grape flavored cyanide beverage that was saved for just such an occasion. You then culminate your perfect life in unspeakable agony. Even at best, nothingness was all you could hope for.

I think there is an evil god in charge of this garbage. Sheit(tm) is powerful and very intelligent, but evil otherwise Sheit(tm) would instantaneously whisk us away to Sheit's hysterically perfect Xanadu in the clouds, come to think of it, being omniscientish, Sheit should have kept us there.

There you have it the perfectly practical humanitarian exercise of coating others with the unvarnished truth.

I still love Dinosaurs.


Have a hot dog with mustard, and coat your ears with this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQcGzSoeZQw

well it is becoming a dilapidated kind of VH1, but who cares..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQyClNEfncg

And to round out your evening
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LjsOoO0VdM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LjsOoO0VdM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mwD4hqJxqM
oh. I found it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zc3KXwd8ZWQ&feature=related
I promise this the last one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN7b4h21nxc
Maybe I should run for public office.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPMYkITzxn0&feature=related
And a note to "god"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiyrFSSG5_g&feature=related
Man the above song is great..And Ray is rapping! In 1968. Of course Dylan and Jagger had too... and I am sure it can be traced further back.I think this song peaked at number negative infinity on the US charts. Buy all Kinks albums through " Give The Silmos What they Want". Do it now, that is a Kommandment.

And you thought Chump had gone....

Here he is, for all of you who swooned into a faint thinking he had abandoned you, his adoring public...Chump!!! This is the third installment of that all-too-brief animated featurette- The Adventures of Chump (tm) Here we see introduced his Milquetoastian nemesis, QQ Quite, who will beleaguer him in hilarious and ultimately harmless ways through the next several eternities. Quit your job, abandon your family, drop out of society, and relentlessly tune into nothing save the adventures of Chump. Chump is the Friend of all Children, Hearthrob to the Dishy, Patron of obscure "ologies" and Absurd Punisher of the Bloated Evil and otherwise mentally and physically infirm. " Poor little Chump never bothered any one/Just runnin' down the old's his idea of havin' fun"

I will also take this opportunity to announce the beginning of the Chump Fan Club. If you donate at least 50 dollars to this site, you will receive your handsome, non-leather bound Certificate of being a Servant of Chumpdom(tm), suitable for framing, or hanging, someone you don't like too much. For the those interested in the membership of a lifetime, we also offer a lifetime membership to Chumpdom, available for the frailest of commitments of only 500 dollars. And of course the latest Chump contest! Guess Chump's last name, and you can win a trip for two to Chumpville(tm), all expenses paid( by you). Best of luck, kids!

Really, Chump is the most sensitive and tenderhearted of tykes, and he would like nothing more than for all humans, rather all beings, to live in love and compassion and permanent cake exchange with one another, but barring this, he has just one thing to say to all the cute lil' tiny clowns everywhere: BITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, let Chump sing you to sleep...sorry, but you will have to use some imagination on this one.. if you don't have one use your flash drive...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIwThJAOyKU

The misadventures of Chump

Here is the latest installment of that great American saga the life and misadventures of Chump. Chump is really the last of the Great American Heroes, even though he is completely oblivious to that fact. He is the true protoarchetype of archetypal heroes, putting such fraudulent pretenders such as Odysseus, Osiris, Charlemagne, John Wayne and George Bush to eternal shame. Please enjoy his nearly illegible escapades, as he charms, edifies and thoroughly confuses. And if any of you have a Phd in operating Microsoft paint, drop me a line. I may be the worlds worst artist, other than some spastic lemurs, but it does look at least little better when I put sloppy ink to paper than trying to use this this soulless software. If the donations keep rolling in like the waters of the Flood, then I will be able to by an experimental scanner on ebay soon, solving that problem. Maybe the cartoons have a certain rough charm anyway, emphasizing the child like imagination that produced them. Or maybe not. So here he is, the grand showman of the cusp of the Age of Aquarius- Chump!!

And what terrible cartoon would be complete without music? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEep67akIn4 Oh what the perdition here is another
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgWQ1erBnMo&feature=related Not the one I wanted but the other wasn't loud enough (yeah right) 10 more and you have an album.

And a horoscope for those who find being acerebrate so freeing:
Call that person that you have been thinking about for lo these many lifetimes. You will learn something. Even daffy ducklings are capable of imprinting. if you don't have a phone, or are in such a tizzy you can't differentiate one object from another, have your keeper email them. Attaboy. As you rise to the glittery depths of syrupy egomania, your eyes will be opened to your nudity and the nudity of the peak you have been climbing, as you are dashed back into the nurturing slime of Mother primordial ooze, which then promptly rejects you as too low on the evolutionary scale for Her tastes. You will then be relieved to be find yourself in your true position- where you have really been all along. Nowhere to go but up.